The nonsensical ideas of a sinner

This semester I have been given an amazing opportunity!  I learned more than i ever thought possible.  It wasnt just about head knowledge.  It wasnt knowledge for the sake of knowledge.  It was knowledge that transformed my heart, and my walk with Christ.  I have been challenged in so many ways, I have had so many trials.  And these trials were such blessings.  But I have failed most of them.  I look at where I was, where I am now, and where I could have been, and i can honestly say that I have failed.  I am so much farther than where I was at the beginning of the semester, but I could have been so much farther.  

Ive been wrestling with what it means to be a leader.  I want to train to be a leader, i want to see what that looks like on a day to day basis.  I want to be prepared to lead my wife.  I want to live in the spirit in such a way that i may encourage, build up, guide, and lead my brothers and sisters in living for Christ, and preaching the gospel.  I want to study more than anyone, so that I can guide and build up my brothers in sisters in knowledge of God that will change their hearts, and encourage them in their pursuit of Christ.  I want to gain wisdom and discernment in the spirit that i can guide my brothers and sisters in decisions so that every decision we make will point us back to the cross.  I want to grow in humility to serve my brothers in sisters in a way that will show the love of Christ. 

I really dont know where to go from here.  I just know that this is the desire of my heart.