Thorn

Oh what is this?  This thorn in my flesh.  That would cripple me to the point of inability to think straight?  How am i so easily deceived?  How am i so easily lead astray?  How can i fall so easily to this spiritual warfare?  Does not the Holy Spirit in me protect me from this?  Is not the Lord Sovereign?  So then why do i stumble with this?  Why do i fall every time?  I do not even have a defense against it?  How  then can i guard against this?  How? please just tell me how.  I can not think straight.  I walk around as if in a stupor.  I think i do right yet I do not.  

For I do not understand my own actions. For x I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. 16 Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with y the law, that it is good. 17 So now z it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. 18 For I know that nothing good dwellsa in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. 19 b For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want, c it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.

Oh how i hate my own actions.  I can not lift this oppression of which i am burdened.  It bears down upon me and i can not escape it.  Oh how I long for God's perfect and pleasing will, but I do not have the ability to carry it out.  For how can I if I can not even think straight? How can i do what is right if Satan blinds me to what is right and what is wrong?  I wish to tear this thorn from my flesh and be free from it, so that I may serve the Lord.  Even now i still am desiring those things that I have been deceived into believing are right.  With my every action i am seeking my destruction.  My very heart yearns to be torn from my chest.  Is it satan that has this hold on my or is it my sinful flesh?  

i want to break

I want to cry

i want to be rid of this burden

i want to be in heaven with Christ

the enemy seeks to conquer me

how long must i fight?

i have not the power to win this fight 

Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?

Oh this body of death.  So much death.  

The Lord is sovereign and works all things for our good.